I feel the need to repeatedly stab something.

on

Is there such a thing as needle felting withdrawal? Perhaps it’s not the needle felting per se that I’m missing, but the focused activity of hobby time. Frankly, my head’s all over the bloody place at the moment and I think the signs are starting to show. That bitch I’ve spoken about before? She’s bubbling away under the surface currently and I fear she may burst out from behind the façade any minute.

We are doing life all wrong

I ran a workshop last week on ‘building personal resilience’, in which I extolled the great importance of self-care and making time to refill one’s emotional tank. Since then, naturellement, I’ve had zero ‘me-time’. Or rather, I’ve made zero me-time. Which was my point really – that we are responsible for our own self-care and, as such, taking a bit of time out to relax and recharge doing whatever-it-is-that-floats-our-particular-boat isn’t something to feel guilty about, rather, we are doing life all wrong when we push meeting our needs to the bottom of the to-do list.

Most of us, it would seem, have difficulty prioritising our own needs over those of others. Heaven knows we don’t want to be seen as selfish, self-centred or self-important. ‘Self-caring’ perhaps appears a little too close to these traits. If you’re a parent or any kind of care-giver, it can feel almost criminal to take time for yourself.  Of course this is utter b*llocks.

I’m not much good to anyone

We need to get things straight in our heads first. Replace selfish with self-protecting and what happens? Well, the focus hasn’t changed, my needs are still at the centre, but there is now a justification: I need to be well so that I can keep X and Y (who rely on me) well. I’m not much good to anyone when I’m sobbing in a room with the curtains closed in the middle of the afternoon.

I know all of this makes sense and I’ve seen people burn out and get close to completely breaking down because they’ve put everyone else first for too long. That doesn’t make it easy to take my own advice and do something about it. I think this shows how ingrained we are in our thinking. It’s hard to change the mindset you’ve always had and so the guilt lingers uncomfortably when you even try. Sigh….

No doubt though, the She Hulk is uneasily close to emerging. I think that is my cue to get the bag with the fluff and big, nasty needles, get my creative head on and get stabbing.

 

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